The Talent Forge: Shaping the Future of Training and Development with Jay Johnson

From Setbacks to Stepping Stones with Rhonda Parker-Taylor

• Jay Johnson • Season 1 • Episode 26

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Unlock the secrets to personal growth with this week's guest, Rhonda Parker Taylor, a leader in talent development. Rhonda shares her remarkable journey from an entrepreneurial upbringing to finding her true calling in the world of emotional intelligence and resilience. Hear as she candidly recounts her initial dabbling in finance, law, and accounting before embracing her passion for nurturing talent. Through her story and works like "The Crossroads," Rhonda illustrates the profound impact of empathy, competitiveness, and the pursuit of purpose in both personal and professional realms.

Meet the Host
Jay Johnson works with people and organizations to empower teams, grow profits, and elevate leadership. He is a Co-Founder of Behavioral Elements®, a two-time TEDx speaker, and a designated Master Trainer by the Association for Talent Development. With a focus on behavioral intelligence, Jay has delivered transformational workshops to accelerate high-performance teams and cultures in more than 30 countries across four continents. For inquiries, contact jay@behavioralelements.com or connect below!

LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/jayjohnsonccg/
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/jayjohnsonccg/
Speaker Website - https://jayjohnsonspeaks.com

Jay Johnson:

Welcome to this episode of the Talent Forge, where we are shaping the future of training and development, and today I am joined by a special guest, rhonda Parker-Taylor. Welcome to the show, rhonda.

Rhonda Parker-Taylor:

Thank you, thank you, thank you for having me. I can't wait to dive in and talk about all the wonderful things we can do to improve not only our workforce but ourselves, to improve not only our workforce but ourselves.

Jay Johnson:

I love it and you know, in reading your background I was so impressed. I want to start there. Let's get the audience a chance to know you a little bit. Rhonda, tell us your story and you know how did you get into talent development or helping people build emotional intelligence and resilience and all of the great things that you're doing?

Rhonda Parker-Taylor:

Well, first of all, I come from a line of entrepreneurs and I'm the second youngest of a group of five of us kids, so that put me in this model that I was always around people. I became very social, and in my younger years I didn't want to compete with people, instead I wanted to see everybody happy. So then I had some learning challenges Young. I flunked kindergarten. So then I ended up being the oldest in the group, which molded me to being a caregiver, caretaker, teaching. You know my fellow students, you know how to survive in the world of school. As we develop and we grow, though, there's so much more about the HR, talent development, training development than just being that caregiver role and helping people with their handholding. But that was the beginning, that was my foundation, and I found out it was my purpose.

Rhonda Parker-Taylor:

So, being from an entrepreneurial family, I still wanted to go to college. I still wanted to have a business mind, but I kept on kind of resisting the soft skills in myself at first, thinking, oh, I need to be in finance or law or accounting, and all of a sudden, boom, wait a minute, you hate those functions. You have a doctorate. First it was a bachelor's, then it was a master's, then it was a doctorate. But you love developing people, you love seeing them thrive. Why are you resisting this, rhonda? Why aren't you moving towards your purpose and away from the things that you have put on yourself, that you should be, could be? You know all of those things that we think we should.

Rhonda Parker-Taylor:

And so I went into first the academic version of it, where I was working at a college level I was, you know, not only in the classrooms as a college professor, but on the campus administration part of it. And then, as life sometimes changes, I moved away from the college level and said you know what? My best value to any human is to provide guidance, training, consulting, sounding board for people in transition, people that are trying to build. And so I moved from that into the space of okay, let's start by helping people develop who they are, by creating their story of success. And then that's where I am here today. Today, you know, I found that not only do I want to hone my own skills, but I want to hone other people's skills. I want them to see what I see in them when they step in the room and give them the affirmation to survive and thrive.

Jay Johnson:

So, rhonda, that's absolutely beautiful and it's so funny because it's I don't want to say it's the exact opposite of me. But I was highly competitive, as in my youth. I was a going to call it behavioral patterns as a youth, until I started to realize, wow, this is really important if I'm pursuing this kind of pathway. But I too rejected law. That was where I was going in at first and I was like no, I don't want to be behind a copy machine. I did one internship, didn't want to be behind a copy machine every single day for the rest of my life and decided that I would go into academics and then obviously into this path of training and talent development.

Jay Johnson:

Now I had to learn and develop my sort of caring skills. And when I say that it's not that I didn't care about people, it's that it didn't come to top of mind. It was get the job done, move forward, get results, so on and so forth. And then people were kind of second and I've really flipped those two things over the course of my career. It sounds to me like you started in the space of having that sort of people first mentality, and then have maybe brought in a little of that competition, a little of that drive, that passion. Let's get the job done, because I mean your results and even something like your recently I don't know how recent, but it was your publication and book the Crossroads. Like you've got to have a little competitive spirit to be able to get that out there. So is that a developed skill for you, or is that you know? How did that come about? How did that come to be?

Rhonda Parker-Taylor:

Well, at first, writing for me was like an escape, an ability to improve myself, because it was a weakness, and I knew it was a weakness. I had put together in the business world, corporate world, a business plan and project that was going to save a company millions of dollars in their call centers and I had, you know, proposed it, made my presentation, everything went great. They blessed that, they were ready to go, and then my boss calls me in there, off and into his office and here I'm thinking it's going to be an attaboy, great job. And it's like you realize, you used the wrong insure in that proposal and I was mortified that I you know one that I'd made the mistake and didn't catch it and two that you know, at first I was ready to argue and defend myself because I was surprised and I went back and I saw you know what I had done and you know, at that moment I had said okay, you are going to be your excellent. If that means you have to get tutoring, if that means you have to have other people edit behind you, if that means whatever, everything from here on out. And you know what I still it's the way my brain is wired I can send a text message with four typos in it that I swear weren't there when I hit send, and it's just the way my brain works.

Rhonda Parker-Taylor:

I have to do that extra layer of editing to make sure it was right, and that right there became the catalyst for writing it and developing myself. But the publishing aspect of it required me to be honest with myself and make myself vulnerable, which then, as my sister had said, why aren't you doing anything with this book? You've got five books in your closet. Why aren't you doing anything? And I had to come up with every excuse why I wasn't. She said no, if it was one of your clients, it would be done by now, and I had to, and I think, as a training and development person and you probably can analyze this yourself she was right. I was afraid to be vulnerable and I was afraid to put into practice the same thing I required from my clients.

Jay Johnson:

I see this all the time and I see it in myself too. Sometimes it's like do as I say, not as I do, and we all know what that is, and it's like wait a second. Maybe I should be taking my own advice here. Know what that is, and it's like wait a second. Maybe I should be taking my own advice here, and but it it seems to me it's always easier when you're on the outside, kind of looking into maybe, your talent group, or you're looking into your company and and or you know your client's company. But when you're in the thicket of things, you know, when you're, when you're in the center of that, and that fear and those emotions are really kind of flooding into you. Obviously it becomes. It's almost like looking through the windshield with, you know, a bunch of Vaseline smeared on it. So your sister gives you this nudge and you take. You take the call. Obviously. Tell me what happened next.

Rhonda Parker-Taylor:

Well, first of all, I had to make myself self-aware. Next, well, first of all, I had to make myself self-aware, and I think this is the first step for any training development process. Even yourself, I had to make myself aware of why I wasn't moving forward. What was my fear? Why wasn't I doing it? And when I did that, I realized that I had to apply self-regard, which meant I had to put balance back into my life, to where, not only was I willing to help others reach their purpose and their lives and their dreams, but I was willing to do the same for myself. And when I did that, I was able to be emotionally self-aware of why I wasn't taking the steps, which is part of the emotional intelligence model that I've been studying for years and didn't do anything about it.

Rhonda Parker-Taylor:

So then I had to get assertive Okay, what's my process going to be? She's right, I need to do something with this. And then so then I'm like okay, well, you did the traditional publishing query process and it takes about two years to get a yes. And you got a yes. And then we went another two years and they bowed out on you at the end. So what are you going to do now and I'm like I'm too old to go back through that process again.

Rhonda Parker-Taylor:

So then I looked at the other two processes, which was the hybrid, which is someone helping and teaching and mentoring and pulling you along. And then there's self-publishing and I'm like okay with everything you have going, can you figure out where a barcode, how the barcodes work, and are you going to be able to get an ISBN number? And so I had to pick what worked best for me, and for me it was the hybrid approach, finding someone that I trusted and I want to say that, with a disclaimer, check the company to make sure they're a good company first and I ended up going with Mindster Media and they helped me create, like I would anybody else, the business plan for making my book successful.

Jay Johnson:

Incredible, you know. Let me pause there for a second, rhonda, because there's so much value to unpack there. You know, one of the things that I heard you say and that I kind of want to reiterate, especially for our audience in this case, is so often, especially for trainers, for coaches, for HR people, we really do put people first and when we're doing that, in many cases it does it creates the conditions that we're going to have gaps in our own knowledge, in our own self-care, in our own well-being. We forget sometimes about our own goals and we really push forward to try to make sure that everybody else is comfortable, safe, happy, upskilled, ready to go ready for the workforce. And I think it's so important that you talk about that self-awareness, because when we're in that position again, we're looking through the windshield with Vaseline on it and it's not as clear. So I want the audience take a moment and reflect Are you chasing your goals? Are you doing the things that are filling your cup? Are you constantly trying to run to help others before you're actually putting your own oxygen mask on, as they say out? Because I think it's so, so, so critical for us to maintain a healthy and positive and productive approach, because otherwise burnout happens. Otherwise, things like the knowledge and talent that you've invested to put into books, to put into publications or anything else gets lost, and that's a tragedy. So kudos to you, rhonda, for being able to be aware and you know, to be able to have that self-regard and to be able to put yourself into that space. I'm really loving that.

Jay Johnson:

I want to jump in on something else that you said, and this is, I think, also somewhere that we can kind of hit. Now you went through the process. You went through that first process two years, got some kind of agreement, two more years, and then that agreement goes. I know that there are so many trainers and coaches out there that either whether they're external and they're getting a contract and then that contract goes away, or even if it's internal and it's, I've got agreement to do this program project whatever from the boss, the CFO, the whomever.

Jay Johnson:

And then all of a sudden we put all this energy, effort, time into something and it seems like the rugs pulled out from under us and it sounds to me like that's kind of what happened with you. You adapted, you evolved, you took a different pathway, you made the choice for hybrid. Talk to me about the emotional resilience that you had in that space. I mean, it would have been easy for you to be like I'm done, I quit, I'm out Yep and I'm going to show you what ended up happening because of it.

Jay Johnson:

So for those that are just listening in, she's showing us, is it a book?

Rhonda Parker-Taylor:

It is a book. It's called a book.

Jay Johnson:

So a book cover to resilient but beautiful cover, by the way, Thank you.

Rhonda Parker-Taylor:

So what I found? So I, the first book was a fiction novel. It was a passion I have, you know there's a series. But when I was working with Mindster and someone said I said, well, I have a life balance book that I want to put out there that doesn't just do career and home, it's 13 dimensions that I've been working on in my college with my college students for years. And they said, well, are you using the characters as case studies? Because everyone in Crossroads is out of balance. And I said, I can do that. I can write a case study for each one to put in that and into the life balance book. And so, boom, light bulbs hit.

Rhonda Parker-Taylor:

I'm a developer. If you look at how Amazon started, it was through e-books. So I was like, okay, so I could put out training, development workbooks to help us deal with our issues that revolve around the fiction novels. So, boom the Life Balance book, boom the resilience book. And I, because my background's in education and research, I go out there, find the last five years worth of research on every topic and I pull them all together and I say, okay, this is what the experts say about resilience and for resilience in the case of the case of the book, the first one Crossroads was okay, you have resources.

Rhonda Parker-Taylor:

Go back and look at those resources. What are they? One is you've got yourself. Two, you have social networks around you that you have built, that you can create a synergy around. You've got your health and then you can go through all the practices of being resilient and getting that project forward. But you have to have that name, it claim it attitude that you know what. I don't know everything, but I do want this. So it requires me. As it says in the Bible, if anybody's out there religious, the good falls seven times and that they get up eight. So that's what you do. You realize you get up the eighth time and you continue to work forward through the process and go a different path. A crossroads, as Merrill Hemingway said about my original book, is when you reach a point in your life that you have to realize that even chocolate has an expiration date. Even chocolate has an expiration date. Think about how that terminology says about training, development, about human behavior. We get so stuck on something that we don't look at the other paths.

Jay Johnson:

Yeah, it's funny because that's actually one of the things I love that chocolate metaphor, actually one of the things I love, that chocolate, you know that chocolate metaphor and it's so spot on because that's a big part of the reason why we started the show was hey, we've been doing the same thing, the same way for many, many years and we're not getting the results that we're looking for, and I'm pretty sure that all of us would call that insanity. You know, I often use the quip don't be so sure of what you want that you're not willing to take something better. So kind of fitting into that narrative, but I think it's so, you know, when we think about that resilience and maybe help me, I'm going to dig a little bit deeper here, rhonda because obviously you know, with you writing a book and doing the research in there, where does resilience go wrong? Let's and here's what I mean by that there are some people that and usually this comes in hindsight right, like hindsight's 2020.

Jay Johnson:

There are some people that I know who are the most resilient people in the world that will just chase and follow. There is nothing going to stop them. There is nothing going to stop them. There's nothing going to stop them and out of all of those people, I've seen them be successful, but I've also seen them chase so far that then to find, literally, that that well is completely dry. So they chased and they were just so stubborn and so certain and so determined that they got to the bottom of the well and there was nothing there. I've also seen entrepreneurs who have done a really good job of saying, hey, we're in phase B and we need to be in phase E, and I can tell you right now we're not going to get there in the next 10 years. I'm going to scrap this project and move on to something else, right?

Jay Johnson:

So this calls into question where does resilience and determination and that drive end up becoming an enemy? Right? You talk about balance, which is one of my favorite words. I always talk about behavioral balance and how we can balance our behavior, so we'll dig into that in a moment. But help us understand where's that bright line of being able to say you know, this is a healthy set of resilience and staying on it and sticking to it, versus when we need to actually go? You know what? I can make it to the end of that tunnel, but I don't know that the value proposition is there. I need to change course. I need to move and shift and adapt. What are your thoughts on that, rhonda?

Rhonda Parker-Taylor:

Well, first thing that you have to realize is that you have a responsibility, not only to yourself but others, to listen and pull in advice from experts. So one of the models of emotional intelligence is monitoring not only your own biases and emotions but that of others and listening to everybody else's opinion. If you have a project that you're working on, you should know how other people have. You should know how other people have felt, what they think needs to be done. They should be comfortable saying this isn't the right approach, it's not working. This is why and there should be a secondary plan.

Rhonda Parker-Taylor:

So when I went in, for instance, to say, ok, are you going to do one, two or three for the book, there was always still two more options when I picked the one, and if I had not found a company I was comfortable for, I would have had to pick one of those other options. You realize that the alternatives are there and they should always be part of your model to looking at. Wait a minute, is this working? Is there risk associated to the path I'm in? We call it?

Rhonda Parker-Taylor:

you know, in a gambling world it's putting good money after bad, you know, just digging and digging and digging and digging, which is exactly what you're saying. You have to realize when you are outside of your boundaries for yourself, they should be part of the plan, the boundaries should be.

Jay Johnson:

That makes sense.

Rhonda Parker-Taylor:

If they're there from the beginning, you don't become married to it.

Jay Johnson:

Well, and that's kind of. I love that because I think if it's part of the plan and and ironically enough, one of my dear friends who's quite successful in casinos but is exactly that sets expectations, sets guidelines, sets parameters and says these are the parameters I can operate within, these are the trigger points that I operate without, and has a very healthy relationship with it. But I've also seen people with unhealthy relationships with that same thing. So that makes a lot of sense having those parameters, those checkpoints. But I really like what you said and even drawing it back a couple of comments ago, about that social network and being able to trust ourselves.

Jay Johnson:

That's one of the things that I always encourage is hey, you have a lot more going for you. Whatever your age is, you've managed to survive on this planet for that amount of years, days, minutes, weeks, et cetera and you've overcome some big challenges, and the very fact that you were born is a gigantic miracle is a gigantic miracle. So you have more than what you think. You have a and B. When you exponentially increase that by the people that are in your network, by being sometimes humble enough to ask for help or sometimes just putting out there, like you said, vulnerably. Hey, I don't know what's going on here. Anybody, anybody in my network can you give me a hand? Can you point me in a direction? It's so important.

Rhonda Parker-Taylor:

Part of what I do in the resilient book is I ask questions about your social network. Who can you rely on financially? Who can you rely on emotionally? Who can you rely Because everybody's not for everything, so sometimes we think that everybody's supposed to help fulfill whatever we need at any moment that we need it.

Jay Johnson:

You have a best friend. They must be able to do all of the above right.

Rhonda Parker-Taylor:

Secure everything you know, no matter what it is. All of that. We put that in there and really we're not looking at the restraints of the individual. If someone doesn't have empathy, for instance, that's just not in their character to have a lot of empathy. That would be the last person that you might want to go to. On how to handle a crisis with one of your employees accurately because they're going to say suck it up better, cop, you know.

Rhonda Parker-Taylor:

Right, so you know what the strengths of those networks are too. I have two people that I know that I can run and buy things and they're going to tell me whether I like it or not. You know their opinion. One's my husband and the second is my sister. I may not like what they say. Sometimes I may not agree with what they say, but when I sit down and reflect on what they've told me, they're typically right. Husband had to say are you in this for a pat on the back or are you in this to get your message out and to get people to reflect on your book and your writing and get back on it?

Jay Johnson:

basically, I think your husband and I would get along well. I love it, because I have people in my life, too, that help to remind me every now and then of, hey, why are you doing this? What's your purpose, what's your mission, what's your vision, what do you actually want to? This just happened with me, with some of my business partners, and sitting in our roundtable and I'm pushing and I'm pushing, and they're like Jay, go back to why you started this. And I was like, and immediately around, i're like, jay, go back to why you started this. And I was like, and immediately around. I was like shit, you're right. And and I felt this urge to argue and fight it. But then I I took that moment to go. These people care about me, these people love me, these are my business partners. They want success. I got to take a step back, reflect and listen to what they said, and they were absolutely right. So I love that you brought that up.

Rhonda Parker-Taylor:

Yeah, and that's all part of the emotional intelligence model. Step back, pause, listen, you know, gain insight, pull it together, show empathy, you know, get social responsibility and I'm not talking about doing a whole green process, that's not what I'm talking about. Social responsibility how does it affect the people that you're making the decision on? Get everybody's opinion and resist the impulse control to just say, okay, that's enough, we're done, and then go on because it's not going to stick, it's not going to stick to you. Get everybody's opinions, every process out, you've diagrammed it, you've done everything. And then in the end, when everybody's put this wonderful thing together, you have happiness, you have a general mood. That's you know OK, we did this, we're going to be, you know we, we have a plan, we're successful.

Rhonda Parker-Taylor:

But you have to revisit it. You ask what happens and how do you stay true to yourself, be resilient, but just don't chase down. You have to go back and re-evaluate it every three years. So in the so, in the life balance book, that's what I tell everybody. What? Let's start all over again. What's your vision? Close your eyes If tomorrow everything was perfect, and you're like, okay, we did that three years ago. Well, no, three years have passed.

Rhonda Parker-Taylor:

What's your vision today. How has it changed?

Jay Johnson:

The world has changed, why wouldn't our goals, ideas, values, wants, needs, whatever those are? I love that and I want to dig into balance here in just a moment. But I also want to take a moment to surface a few of the I mean absolutely gold worthy thoughts that you've brought to the table here, because I can tell you, 20 years ago, jay Johnson would not have had that emotional intelligence or resilience to take a step back, reflect, listen and engage. And I want our audience to really think about that too is in those moments, because sometimes you're going to hit that roadblock. We talked about it at the beginning. You're going to hit the roadblock of either the client's going to say no, the leadership's going to say no, you're going to get some feedback that maybe is not consistent with what you're feeling and, rather than immediately rejecting it, remember that you're either on the same team or that you're trying to go in the same direction, you want the same things, and actually take a moment to reflect on it. And I've started to do that more and more and more and more and more, and I've really found a lot of insight and value and growth from that.

Jay Johnson:

The other thing I wanted to draw out from what you had said is, as you are navigating some of these different aspects of relationships of you, know whether it's somebody close in your familial range or whether it's somebody in the workspace or anything else really evaluate what it is that you're asking them for.

Jay Johnson:

Not everybody's going to be the savior of everything, and I think that's true if you're in a leadership position, too, of really thinking about. I mean, this is putting the right person in the right seat. Not every single person is going to behave like you, is going to think like you, is going to evaluate things like you. So being able to take a step back and really evaluate that person's skills, knowledge, experience, background, et cetera, is a powerful, powerful way for you to be able to get the best out of your social network, but also not to overstress your personal network, because if I start asking financial advice from somebody who's not doing particularly well financially, all I'm going to be doing is probably stressing them out, stressing their resources, et cetera. So I just wanted to bring those to that surface before we dig in here.

Rhonda Parker-Taylor:

On balance, that is such a beautiful way of stating it, and the financial aspect of the example is a perfect one, because they always tell you if you're going to invest money, you need to ask the person that you're talking to who they have invested their money. If they can't give you their portfolio information, they're not the one you should be talking to, because they haven't created it even for themselves.

Jay Johnson:

I was just having this conversation with one of my colleagues, terry Bean, and it was literally about how do you pick the right coach. Well, you need to make sure that that person's played the game and understands what losing in that game is, and understands what winning in that game is, and if you don't have that, guess what? That person's probably not going to be the right coach for you, right? So let's dig into this balance thing. This is something I always talk about. Now, just to give you a quick background, my background is in behavioral science, neuroscience, psychology, communication, and one of the things that we've created is a model that's built off the science of two management scientists from Harvard University, dr Paul Lawrence and Dr Nitin Noorya. Audience has heard me talk about behavioral elements a little bit here and there, but they came up with this theory of the four drive framework, and I'm not going to go into detail here, but just kind of giving you an idea that in that framework they understand that through evolutionary biology and through cognitive neuroplasticity, we've really, as human beings, developed four core biological drives that actually sit beneath a lot of our decision-making the drive to acquire, the drive to defend, the drive to learn and the drive to bond. Now, if we lean too far into one of those places, well, guess what? We generally neglect one of the others. And we, as human beings, need to fulfill all four of those drives we need to be safe, we need to be growing and learning and self-actualization, we need to be connected and we need to acquire resources.

Jay Johnson:

Some people lean way too far into acquiring resources. Some people get so defensive that they never let themselves actually experience the world out there. Some people are so empathetic and connected to people that they never do anything for themselves. And some people, you know, are often their philosophical, academic change experience and never actually get things done. So that's the long and short of it, and one of the things that I talk about from that perspective is balance. How do we find balance? How do we make sure that we're doing these different things? So you're an expert in this. Obviously, from the life side, I really only focus on business and corporate, but I want to dig in and better understand. Talk to me about balance, life balance. What does that look like? How do you frame that to me? About balance, life balance what?

Rhonda Parker-Taylor:

does that look like? How do you frame that and what does that mean for you? Well, first you have to know who you are because if it doesn't matter whether you're talking on the career side or on the personal side, if you don't know where you are.

Rhonda Parker-Taylor:

You're going to be pulled in all the wrong directions. So I start from a psychological perspective of the miracle question If you woke up tomorrow and everything was perfect, what does that look like? And I'm not talking about what the media says is perfect. See, that's when we get pulled in the wrong direction and thinking, oh, I'm supposed to have 18 bedrooms, six dining rooms, whatever it might be. You know what is a perfect life for you and then I can.

Jay Johnson:

I pause you there for one second and and I find this question really, I like it the miracle question, but I find this really fascinating. How often is somebody maybe not because without reflection, like I can tell you right now, you know a lot of people would probably be like, oh, huge bag of money and this and all these fun things and everything. Honestly, if I woke up and my life was perfect tomorrow, I'd be bored out of my mind. I know that because of reflection. And I like challenges, I like this and that and the other thing I do, like my independence. And I like challenges, I like this and that and the other thing I do, like my independence. So maybe having some resources to be able to do what I want, but I would still be doing a lot of what I'm.

Jay Johnson:

First, matrix failed because we made life so perfect and nobody believed it. Because we are, there is some element of our brain that craves struggle and suffering and challenges. I'm not going to call them not realistic, but maybe hadn't reflected on that aspect of oh, life would be perfect if and they give you all the material resources or whatever else like that, or health or anything else, but not really actually think about where our happiness comes from, which is our mind. How often do you have that?

Rhonda Parker-Taylor:

Most of the time, okay, the goal is not necessarily to create the world yet, but where is your mindset? So then the next step is OK, well, what have you done for the last week? And they write down all the things that you know, they kind of done. And, ok, where do you get your enjoyment? And they circle all these activities that they like to do, you know in all aspects of personal finance. You know they're all on there. And then you say, ok, but what? Let's compare these. Ok, you put that you like television and number 25th of all the ratings, but you're spending 30 percent of your downtime watching. How much joy are you getting out of that? You're saying that health is a priority, but you eating doordash every night, you know. And then you realign it to where the perfect is realistic, to who you are and what you need. So for, for example, I had done mine and then pandemic hit and I was a DoorDash person. That was my thrill.

Rhonda Parker-Taylor:

That was my entertainment DoorDash brings it here.

Jay Johnson:

Bringing food directly to you. It's a beautiful thing.

Rhonda Parker-Taylor:

Yeah, it's a beautiful thing, but I love cooking and I found out that, as I re-evaluated after the pandemic, so many of the habits that I'd gotten into pulled me away from my authenticity and my intentionality of happiness Looking at wildlife, being outside, doing the things that I really enjoyed. That brought you know my spiritual growth, that brought my learning. Podcasts are like, for instance, god's gift to us wanting to expand our knowledge quickly, easily. So while you guys are out there, hit, subscribe, share, like that's right.

Rhonda Parker-Taylor:

Because you have to figure out how you're going to meet. Although you broke it into four, I broke it into 13 dimensions, but all of them fit under that. What are you doing for your health? What are you doing for your um connections with your, in relationships? What are you doing for your spirituality? What are you doing for your um, your emotional well-being? What do you know? You go through these 13 things. What are you doing? Where should you be? What should you be doing? And then you don't say, oh, this is a huge calendar of everything I have to accomplish. You just create a calendar. When was the last time you sent a love note to your loved one? When was the last time that you created a connection with your great aunt? And you just create basically a calendar of events to fulfill what you already really desire. And it's the same model that we do for business, only we're doing it in our personal lives. If you like blueberries, put blueberries in your life. They're wonderful, whatever it might be.

Jay Johnson:

I found out for like big bowl of blueberries this morning, so I'm with you.

Rhonda Parker-Taylor:

So you know, whatever it might be, I had um. It was funny. My husband, my accountability partner, said you are going to turn into a chair and I'm like what are you talking about? You, you know, of course, the defense is you sit too much. And I'm like, oh, you don't know what you're talking about. So I I end up going to the chiropractor because I do have a weaker back than some because I was. I was born with scoliosis and he says you've developed prithomoris, and prithomoris sounds like I've never heard of that before. I looked it up and it said caused by sitting too much, butt wasting away. Now, no woman wants to hear that their butt is wasting away and it's very painful. But he was right. When you have no balance in your life, what ends up happening is your body remembers every challenge, every stress. I had a podcaster the other day that said we are born into the world through trauma and I'd never really thought about that. So you're right, we do want some of that trauma in everything we do. We do want tension.

Jay Johnson:

Well, so I really like this because I think one of the things that I want to draw out here is what we think or what we know we want, what we think we want and how we spend our time or how we choose to behave. Those three things can be very, very different, and I love the exercise of kind of taking a step back and saying, okay, well, if you want these things, where are you actually spending your time? What are you actually doing to get there? Add this into your matrix, add this into your calendar, add this into your whatever, to really kind of create that fulfillment of balance across your 13 different scopes. So I'm digging that on balance.

Jay Johnson:

Now let me ask one final question here, because I know we're coming close to the end of our time. But my question here, rhonda, is what happens when we find ourselves, we go through this process, we establish where we're at right, and this could be true of anything. This could be true of your project. You've you've gone through the process. You've evaluated what you want, your outcomes, you've evaluated your goals, you've evaluated what training objectives you have, you've evaluated what goals you have, and at some point in time, things fall off the rail. Chaos happens. Sometimes it's a global pandemic Hopefully not again within our lifetime and sometimes it is just hey, things change. How do we get back on track quickly?

Rhonda Parker-Taylor:

Well, first change the way you think about the storm quickly. Well, first change the way you think about the storm. A lot of what I the second half of the book of Resilient I spend on journaling poems and stuff that you know have activities for people to do. But I've shared poems that I've written when I was in the storms Because I have had a traumatic life that sometimes you know life hit. Moments are things we create, sometimes ourselves. Sometimes life hits that we can't predict. But either way, you have to look at the storm in a way that you will survive it and that you're part of that storm. You're the energy that feeds that storm. You're the energy that feeds that storm. So how are you going to process that storm back into manageable ways and views? A good example of you. We've talked about putting everything in this life balance perspective and then all of a sudden you look at somebody else on social media and they look happier, or their training looks better.

Rhonda Parker-Taylor:

The comparison trap, yes, and it is easily to think that, oh, I need to change my mind. Maybe you need a few things that you have to change. I'm not saying that comparing is completely wrong, but when it becomes envious, the storm is generated by your own energy, and so you have to evaluate that storm that's hitting you and what is the source of the energy, and a lot of times, you are a part of the energy.

Jay Johnson:

You're powering it.

Rhonda Parker-Taylor:

Yeah the other. So Proverbs says, anger is cruel, fury is overwhelming. But who can stand before jealousy? Envy makes the bones rot.

Jay Johnson:

So you know, and that is actually one of the bigger drivers of of and I'm going to call it antisocial and unsustainable behavior is jealousy, envy, and I mean a little bit can be. It's important not to classify it as a completely negative emotion, because there is importance with it. It also has an impact on our justice drive, it also has an impact on our fairness, on our connection drive, et cetera. So it can lead to sometimes pro-positive behavior Again, balance but more often than not we let that get the better of us and, instead of acting on it in a positive way, we tend to create the storms that you're talking about create the storms that you're talking about, right exactly.

Rhonda Parker-Taylor:

And so you have to look at it and say am I building, am I repairing, am I strengthening myself in that chaos, or am I thriving through purpose, because you still have your purpose even in the storm, or are you becoming the energy that's sucking you right down like a tornado to completely implode? And that's the number one thing that you can do for yourself Realize that you're a source of the energy of the storm.

Jay Johnson:

Brilliant. I love that, Rhonda. Rhonda, this has been an incredible conversation, chocked full of insights. If my audience wanted to get in touch with you, how would they reach out to you?

Rhonda Parker-Taylor:

Well, the easiest way to do it is my website, rhondaparkertaylorcom. It has all my social media on there, it's got my blogs on there and it's, you know, linked to any of my books. I'm on Amazon, barnes, noble, bam all of the major distribution centers.

Jay Johnson:

Awesome and we'll make sure that's in the show notes, rhonda. Thank you so much for your time and energy today. It's been incredible and, like I said, there's so many great takeaways for our trainers, coaches, hr managers, leaders whomever's listening to this podcast Lots to really think about, reflect on and move forward. So thank you for being here.

Rhonda Parker-Taylor:

Thank you. Thank you, Jay, for having me. I can't, I can't wait to engage with everybody.

Jay Johnson:

And thank you, audience, for tuning into this episode of the Talent Forge, where we are shaping the future of training and development.

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Jay Johnson, CEO and Co-Founder of Behavioral Elements

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